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[27 Sep 2006|05:05pm] Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.  So love the people who treat you right,  forget the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. Know a good thing when you see it and don't let it slip away. If you get a chance, take it.  If it changes your life, let it.  Nobody said it would be easy... they just said it would be worth it. <3 post comment

bored in BoStOn [27 Sep 2006|04:47pm] okay the last entry was .. idk how to explain it lol a little emotional a little confussed a little drunk. besides aunt nat leaving and being on and off depressed the past two weeks over it life has changed ALOT ... AGAIN!! im not going to school at all, im taking classes to get my GED and im trying to apply to all diffrent massage and beauty schools for spring semmester or this upcomming summer. to tell you the truth i question if i am doing the right thing. like i just cant fucking stand highschool any more im probably the worst student on this fucking planet and i do nothing but get bad grades skip school make shitty decisions and theres no other option but GED or a diffrent school than beverly high school but yea that doesnt work either i checked out manchester high and hamilton for school choice and neither one is accepting juniors or seniors so im shit out of luck. i got a job though right now working at the beverly paper store and just got asked if i wanted to be interviewed at the AE in boston sooo im excited about that ... caus yeaaa AE is like my life lol. i also got an app. for staples and music stores. hmm what else????? ooooh i got some chill neighbors in Bev town ... believe it or not alex clerkin (went to NHS with me) lives down the street from me and we party often. then theres Joe who is not only the cute 18 year old across the st. with gorgeous blue eyes but is now also my boyfriend lol hes soooooooooooo adorable :) anyways thats about it im trying to plan some trips like M.Beach to see bridie and my uncle and a trip to Arizona to see my grampy yea this is all boring bullshit soooooooooo i'll update again when my life gets alittle more intresting 2 comments|post comment

[20 Sep 2006|12:05am] so basically i dont remember the last time i updated im assuming it was a long ass time ago! today was rough im not going to lie... Nat died and i went to her funeral all the cousins and shit were there and it was just not a fun time. were the kind of family that drinks at any occasion even if its sad! and thats just what we did. granted we all know my aunt wiuoldnt have been happy with us if she was here we still did it ... she was the type of person that friggn eather made your week or ruinned your life! she was funny and full of energy, she lived for the moment not for the future or the past. she wasnt materialistic either! she had a heart of gold and would bend over backwards for anyone she was the type of person that would do all that she could to make sure you didnt hurt or sad and she never expected anything in return... her true passions were her cooking, god, and of course her family. never did i think this day would come.. when i first heard she had cancer i didnt thinki much of it. i knew she was strong and she would get threough it! shes natalie she had to get better she was sorta like super woman! but it went from skin cancer to tummors then diabetic to HUGE blood clots the woman suffered for 2 years and never complained .. she did it all the "heaaling milk shakes" that shit where they stick all the needles in you, medicine doctors, regular treatment everything! none if that shit worked ... she never in a thousand years deserved what she got she was loved by all!!! never did she do anything to let ANYONE down or dissapoint anyone. anyways so today was roughhhhhhhhhhhhh... my cousins took it prety hard too we rolled in with our aviators on and rolled out the same way... we loved her just as much if not more than she loved us! she was respected by all and yeaaaaaaa thats natalie family drunk or not there is no way you can ignore the pain that sinks deep down in your heart for this woman. no drug or beverage can take that loss away ... or make youi forget about it its a never ending bottom less feeling post comment

[07 Mar 2006|09:03pm] [ mood | sad ] me and joey are fighting again i feel like fuckin shit caus i hate hurting him but im not gunna put up with his fuckin language and disrespect. i love the boy to death but what the fuck somethings gotta give! post comment

[07 Mar 2006|02:49am] empty.. post comment

yea mhmm [07 Mar 2006|02:29am] [ mood | annoyed ] pised caus im mad tired but cant go to sleep. i gotz a shit load on my mind and idk wtf to do bout it. i love joey and wantto be there for him 'n all and help him wit dis fucked up shit he's been dealing with for the past .... i dont even know how long it seems like its been FOREVER! but my minds all over the fucking place i find myself thinking bout other ppl constantly. not in like dating terms or w/e but for some reason i got these two fuckin people on my mind.. ****** and ******!!! ahhhhhhhhhh... idk what to do to change it! and it doesnt help things are wierd wit kevin like i dont love him anymore but hes single and he misses me and wants to love me again some day but i dont want to put my fuckin heart back out there again i think it belongs wit joey and i couldnt fuckin put my relationship wit joey out on the line for kevin. if it was ment to be i would have been able to give joey up before no questions asked and wit no regrets and run back to kevin. BUT now the thought of wat the fuck happend before makes e fuckin soo sick to my god damn stomach .. idk if it was the timing was off or bad karma or wat but it wasnt workin and i dont think dat shit will ever work im sorry!!! anyways joey asked me to go to semi wit him and i said probably not ... i feel bad but its just ... not for everybody and i honestly coudnt care less. so he's trying to take it lightly and also asked me bout prom and i said yessss deffinetly but anyways im done fucking venting/rambling bout gay shit dat just isnt even worth worrying bout!!!!!!! post comment

short [04 Mar 2006|11:19pm] [ mood | amused ] tonight i went to the kanc to watch joey race in vertical challenge. joey ended up placing fourth it was awesome i was really proud of my baby!! post comment

you you and you!!! [20 Feb 2006|10:46pm] [ mood | bitchy ] why do i fucking think bout him at the most random tmes??? and why do i have such fucking scattered thoughts???? its like a fucking puzzle that i cant put together caus im missing like fucking 75% of the fucking pieces!! ahhhh i fucking piss myself off! why cant i just be happy and satisfied. i feel like i'm always wanting fucking more!!! nothing ever fuckin seems good enough.. GRR... post comment

i hate ppl sometimes [09 Jan 2006|09:13pm] [ mood | pissed off ] you should fucking go kill yourself stay the hell out of my life and my buisness i'm done being all cute 'n nice to you ..you ... are ..... nothing... to me or really anybody else i feel sorry for you asshole post comment

[08 Jan 2006|08:05pm] [ mood | hungry ] 2006 bitchesss!!! Ok.. so heres the deal. sense summer alot has happened idk if i mentioned me and matt were over but we are and have been for months. I'm dating joey and I'm in love with him. hes my baby i would be so lost in this town without that boy! christmas was amaziing .. my family came here and courtney and cayla came also and after we went to a fire at joeys with mikie and got shit faced. New years sucked i spent no time with joey i went off with the girls to louies and hung out with them ppl there for a while and kevin and kristen stopped by. The night before new years was fucking rediculous though! Me and my cousin hayley went up to lindsays (cousin) and got absolutely waisted with sammy ian kyle lindsay jake and justin it was a fuckin hilarious time dude. then this past weekend i hung out with hayley and we met up with sum boys she went to school with last year that are now at plymouth college. sooo we went down to plymouth with them and got all fucked up! need food post comment

ramble [19 Oct 2005|03:17pm] [ mood | hyper ] Monday was my Sweet 16th!! yay!! drivers Ed starts this weekend it going to be fucking awesome with Cayla Corban and everyone else. I havent updated my Lj in such a long time due to being grounded the past couple of weeks and i still am but i figured out the password lol. so like maybe 2 or 3 weekends ago is where that all started trav's mom was out of town and he was having like a few ppl over to chill and drink soo me and cayla and court were sitting out on my pourch and sense he like practically lives in my back yard we could hear all the commotion ..so we were like w/e just listening sitting there smokin butts and drinking our wine .. then out of no where we hear some one yelling CAYLA!!! so calyas like yeaaaa???? who is that soo then there like cayla!! get your fucking ass over here theres a fight!! soo then we were like shittt .. thats travs house and thats def. josh yelling soo we went stumbling over there with our fish bowl glasses of wine .. and saw there was a whole mess of ppl over there .. Troy, Darb, Trav, Josh, Johnny,Joey, Joey, Matt.. and the list goes on. thenwe notice fucking travs hooked onto his dogs run and is trying t fight some random kid. me court and cayla go inside and upstairs and theres a mess of ppl sitting around smokin soo we get in on that. then later even more ppl showed up and darb was mixing drinks like crazzy .. joes throwin up everywhere.. everyones high as fuck and me and court are drunk off our asses ... so cayla grabs us and walks us home .. not even 10 min later i get in the shower and am thinking fuck thers no way im going to sober up b4 kim gets home.. soo i get out hoping everyones gone and loook out the window and see everyies outside my house now like pinakio, josh, trav, troy, nick, darb, mikie, joey, keagan.. it was sooo fucked up soo we had to yell at them to go home and call to get court a ride ... i ended up passing out .. and kim never knew ... the next weekend same shit went down at travs except like his brother was home and even more fucking ppl i dont even remember who iwas soo trashed but what it all comes down to was everyone was way to waisted and loud that trav kicked EVERYONE out .. most the ppl went with drunk ass josh and Tp but joey called his dad and his dad came and picked us up .. sense kim was dating Joe .. joeys dad... at the time joe felt guilty for picking me up and went and called kim and told her that he had both of us and she flipped shit caus i forgot to tell her i was going there and ahh .. yeaa .. i was screwed ... but then i got even more screwed caus she found sonme of my science test grades the next day that she was even more pissed about and caus of the test grades i got grounded for like ever lol welll until like report cards or something comes out. hmmm what else???? ohhh i got this huge english project to do and i needed hel so last night i called my old english teacher for help .. it was really wierd caus i havent talked to him in months and idk i had to call like a mil. ppl til i finally got redmans # but umm we had this really good ttalk and ive been thinking about it all diay caus it really got to me and he brought up all this shuit like i should never hesitate to call him that just caus i dfont see ppl everyday or talk to them on a reg. bases doesnt mean they dont thing about you and you sholud always keep some kind of rlationship w/ ppl you cared about and ppl that cared about you ... blah blah blah .. this whole speach on lost sopo it got me thinking bout all these ppl and my past and idk just freaking out right now plus im in a really wierd mood i keep getting pissed thwen not pised caus my teachers are fucking queer like fucking mr baker and mr stolper they botyh were retarded today id love to just fucking pull the stick outtta r bakers ass he was all up in mine and niocks shit today i fucking hate when teachers get in your facie saying your not listening and your going to fail when they got no fucking clue.. like honestly the shit he was talkng about in class todayi already did last year and idk lol ... i need to stop bitching i got alot of hw to do soo yea thats about it im heading over to the school to get some books i forgot and going to see the boys practice for a little update again later ... post comment

random bored.. havent updated in a while [15 Sep 2005|05:48pm] [ mood | happy ] schools a bitchand i hate homework butttt ..everything is going sooo good with matt i slept over his dorm this past weekend it was amazing everythings just idk perfect even though im not going to see himfor a little while we tlak often and i just cant wait til i hear his voice on the other side of the phone in less than a hour!! lol im retarded but lets see i got the dance tomorrow at school (homecoming dance) then fucking get to be at LW all day saturday to dealing w/ other homecoming shit pretty exciting. today was a good day fucking b and g blocks were both hilarious .. B class i was taking a test in the library and sean just happened to be there soo we were talking bout some shit then chris t came over and sat with us and started talking and we talked bout how we felt bad for this kid caus hes pathetic lol .. then at break i was sitting with chris joey mikie and them and the converation continued. then G class i was partners with sean and we had to do some queer packet for English in the library it was pretty gay i got to say completly a waist of time but we talked about alot of stuff i talk to him about everything i trust him alot hes like one of my good friends he calls me ally girl and i thinkits cute and funny. shaina likes him and i thikn thats awesome i think they would be so fucking cute together but sean says that its wierd caus they dont get to hang out enough but i just think hes being shy and not trying hard enough well g2g caus im talking online with a shit load of ppl online and mat should be calling some time fucking soon yay!!! see ya post comment

soo tired [03 Sep 2005|12:12pm] [ mood | tired ] today i have to go to NHS to visit my cuosin his girl friend/soon to be wife is throwing hm a surprise birthday party.. its going to be wierd all my teachers from last year are pretty much going to be there idk just might be awkward besides that thnigs are good im nto worrying bout matt anymore caus i think he really does care about me alotand the only reason why we dont see eachother soo much right now is caus he doestn want to complicate things anymore. so as soon as hes settled in and soccers all set and all that shit ill be heading down there to visit my boy :) for me school starts wednesday im going to school tuesday to meet with teachers and set up a schedule oh yea andto sign up for drivers ed of course! other than all that nothing too excitings happening joey come back from florida i think tomorrow sandra might be coming to see me before she looses her liscenes idk thats it i guess. post comment

[01 Sep 2005|08:58pm] i wish i had a cigarette!! 1 comment|post comment

wierd shit [31 Aug 2005|11:57pm] [ mood | happy for now ] so everythings kind of twisted!! me and matt broke up last night he thinks we'd be better off with out the label 'n shit cause his mom like hates me. sooo i guess now things are still the same as they were just not exactly??? idk it doesnt make sense. anyways we were suppose to meet up somewhere last night (he left for MA today i got no clue when he'll be back) but it was raining really hard so he didnt want to go out. i ended up going out in the rain all the way up to his house at 2:00 in the morning.. i didnt really want to but i wanted to see him soooo bad.. and im sooo glad i did being there with him put me in such a good mood plus im off my period soo we pretty much had sex the whole time i was there :) it was really good .. surprise .. lol usually its like all fucked up idk why theres always something distracting going on.. but ahhh im hoping we stay together for a while i really dont want to loose him hes a sweetheart and im just a little bit of alot attached to him.. today i did NOTHING at all i slept all fucking day, watched movies and talked on the phone it was pretty sweet im like obsessed with these two shows now "sex and the city" and "weeds" its sooo funny its about this mother that sells pot and her husband died and they have this house keeper and 2 kids its sooooo funny well thats about it ill update later, goodnight:) post comment

somethin cute [31 Aug 2005|11:36pm] WHAT iS LOVE ? LOVE iS SEEiNG HiM HOW NO ONE ELSE DOES LOVE iS WHEN YOU KNO HES NOT PERFECT BUT U SEE HiM PERFECTLY LOVE iT THiNKiNG ABOUT HiM DAY AND NiGHT LOVE iS WHEN HE MEANS THE WORLD TO0 YOU LOVE iS WHEN NO0 ONE ELSE KNOS HOW YOU FEEL LOVE is THE BEST FEELiNG YOU CAN FEEL post comment

i dont know why im being so annoying!!! [30 Aug 2005|10:13pm] last night i talked with kevin it went really well i was crying like usual and confussed but hes made me realize what i want right now .. i thought i wanted to hear a i love you from him and a i miss you and that was gonig to fix everything but it didnt this time.. i dont want him back i still kind of love him but i got a really cool boyfriend thati care bout kinda alot. right noe i think im screwing that up caus im being clingy and nagging and calling him every 20 min. i want to call him right noe lol i want to tell him i dont care ... like whatever who gives a fuck ya knowe!?? like i just want to have fun and be happy but its hard on him too caus hes stressin out bout his paintballin, school, college, his great grandma, joey and i think a whole lot of other stuff. hopefully no matter what the out come will be good i still want to hang uot with him if we break up and i want to go to a paintball game thing just so im not like clueless you know?? like i think he thinks i think of him playing paintball as a big joke but i really dont i think its crazzy how much money they all put into it but its still pretty cool...maybe ill understand when i see a game. and then of course i want to come down to NHs and watch him play soccer caus i love soccer plus my mike mccarthys on the team.. post comment

goodsong [16 Aug 2005|11:13am] [ mood | bouncy ] "When you move like a jellyfish Rhythm don't mean nothing You go with the flow You don't stop Move like a jellyfish Rhythm is nothing You go with the flow You don't stop." post comment

quick fill in [16 Aug 2005|11:02am] [ mood | happy ] kevins leaving today for college i dont think ive mentioned i saw him the other day. we went for a ride up the kanc. it was like the first time all over we stopped at "our stop" talked for a little and did someother shit for a little. dont really want to get into detail seeing as were both seeing people but matt already knows .. it wasnt a smart decision but w/e shit happens. yesterday kev and i were talking and i told him id like to say bye one more time or say hello eather one and ahh his way of saying hi was coming by with kristen that fucking pissed me off caus i dont realy like her and it made me want to scream it in her face what happened but that would have been wicked rude. anyways hopefully ill see him today before he leaves .. id really like it. but hmm what else is new??? amandas now working on the weekends with me yay! i<3 her!! matts at the vineyard til sunday i miss him lol im not going to see him til the 27th i leave for florida friday im soooo excited but sad.. SANDRA BODAS coming with me yay!!! hahah hell yea sanabel island :)!!! im soooo tired right now im still in my pajamas lol its deffinetly a river day!! i got so many cute new bathingsuits im sooo excited ha! im sitting here in my fuckin pink abercrombie pj pants and joeys puma shirt in deffinetly styling. well im going to go get some subway caus im addicted .. or maybe ill get dunkies w/e looks better when i get down there... i'll update agani when i got nothing better to do laterrrr post comment

<3's and kisses [12 Aug 2005|01:55am] [ mood | curious ] "Drink down that Gin and Kerosene And come spit off bridges with me. Just to keep us warm Light a match to leave me be. Light a match to leave me be. I keep my jealousy close 'Cause,it's all mine. And if you say this makes you happy, Then i'm not the only one lying. Keep quiet, Nothing comes as easy as you. Can I lay in your bed all day? I'll be your best kept secret And your biggest mistake. The hand behind this pen relieves a failure every day." 1 comment|post comment

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